My Dear Friend
My Dear Friend
“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss.” – Jack Canfield
My dear friend…
Please, read the following two sentences carefully. You’ve probably heard them in some (more famous) version before, but I ask you — read them again carefully:
No one can ever take away as much as you are truly worth.
Only you can do that to yourself.
I know, I know… you’ll probably immediately think of the people who (from time to time or often, subtly or directly) tell you that you’re worthless, a failure, a loser…
And you notice how circumstances seem to work against you, while others seem to have everything going their way… how, for you, everything always moves slowly, with many setbacks.
And on top of that, you hear your own thoughts, as if they “confirm” what others say:
“I’m stupid… unsuccessful… ugly… pathetic… I have nothing valuable to offer… I’ll end up alone… I’m not worthy of love… clearly wealth isn’t meant for me… I won’t know how to do this job… I’m probably not one of the lucky ones… it’s too late for me… I’m too old…
In short — I’m worthless…”
STOP listening to those thoughts RIGHT NOW because those are not your true thoughts!
For heaven’s sake! It took me a long time to realize this too!
Who in their right mind would say all these terrible things to themselves and choose to be their own worst enemy?
Ask yourself immediately:
“Whose thoughts are these? Because I’m pretty sure they’re not my real, authentic thoughts…”
The answer will begin to reveal itself.
Maybe they were the thoughts of an emotionally immature parent, a spiteful or envious relative. Jealous (so‑called) friends or colleagues. Messages from the environment (gossip, media).
In other words, these aren’t your thoughts at all. You simply “adopted” them (because that’s what the world “expected”) and accepted them as if they were yours… and as if they were true.
You literally clicked a mental download button, installed that program, ran it, and convinced yourself it had been there all along.
And you believe everything inside that program is true.
But tell me, my friend… whose truth is that?
Where did you get the idea that it’s true — especially if there’s no tangible proof?
Most importantly:
Whose standards did you take for what’s valuable and what’s not?
Who told you those standards are truly accurate? And who said they must also apply to you? Whose yardstick did you borrow and decide it must also be yours, the only (and “correct”) way to measure yourself?
How many millions of potential artists, scientists, entrepreneurs, humanitarians, and other great minds have we lost simply because they allowed the opinions of those around them to dictate what is valuable and what is not…
And thus, perhaps, dragged themselves down… into stagnation. Into a dead sea.
Look at this Example
Maybe a wealthy friend/acquaintance/influencer tells you that a new luxury car is a sign of prestige, and you immediately think:
“Well, I drive an old car, so I must be worthless.”
Instead of asking yourself:
“But is a luxury car really a sign of prestige for me?”
What if, in your TRUE (authentic) thoughts, you discover that to you a car is just a means of transportation — and you’d rather spend a small part of your money on a practical vehicle and the rest on things you consider truly valuable?
Whose standards of value will you follow?
Theirs (if they’re truly your friends and their values make sense to you)… or your own?
Another Example
How many parents believe that only certain colleges prove someone’s worth (or are the only path to finding a job)?
How many people, because of those beliefs, became average accountants, programmers, lawyers…
When they could have become exceptional writers, doctors, diplomats, psychologists, architects, leaders…
And earned even more than they would have otherwise — and actually enjoyed their work?
But instead, other people’s insistence paved their path, so now they are (supposedly) “someone” according to society’s standards.
Or take the stories of those who dropped out of college or left a secure job and set out to fight their own way.
The immediate label — worthless.
But a few years later, they surpass everyone around them and become “more valuable” than anyone ever thought possible.
A Message to Everyone Who Tries to Dictate Other People’s Values
Listen up, all of you who try to “prescribe values” for others!
Who gave you the right to steer someone else’s destiny, to tell them what to do in order to reach your level (if that’s even what both you and they truly want)?
Why, out of your own fears or egos, won’t you allow people to find their TRUE worth and happiness?
A Simple Mathematical Formula
Belief a person holds about themselves = their worth
(Negative) belief you hold about them (and pass on to them) ≠ their worth
Belief a person holds about themselves × their effort × their choices = happiness
(Negative) belief you hold about them (and pass on) × their effort × their choices = illusion of happiness
(Negative) belief you hold about them (and pass on) × their effort × your choices = suffering
Illusion of happiness × time = gradual disappointment in life
Suffering × time = rapid disappointment in life
If you, who go around defining “values” for others, don’t understand this formula, then you absolutely have no right to tell others what to do — because I can tell you right now, you’re probably not smart enough.
And if you do understand this formula but still behave that way — you’re still probably not smart enough, and almost certainly arrogant and inconsiderate.
Or, even worse, you’re smart and you actually enjoy destroying other people’s lives.
Conclusion
Let people fight for the realization of their own visions… ✨
And now let’s go through a simple exercise to discover our true thoughs and values. ⬇⬇⬇
🧭 Exercise: Discover Your True Thoughts and Values
Set aside 10-15 minutes in peace and quiet.
Take a piece of paper and a pen (or open a new document on your phone/computer).
Turn off all distractions – it’s just you and your thoughts.
Write down the following questions and answer honestly, without censoring yourself:
1. Whose thoughts do you hear when you criticize yourself?
- Who said these things to you before? A parent, a teacher, a friend, a colleague?
- Write down those names or figures. Recognize that these are not your authentic thoughts.
2. What are your true thoughts?
- If you remove all outside voices and expectations, how would you describe yourself?
- What do you genuinely feel you are worth?
3. What value standards have you unconsciously adopted?
- Write down what your environment considers a “proof of success” (a car, a degree, appearance…).
- Next to each one, write: Do I truly believe this is a measure of value?
4. What are your value standards?
- What would success or fulfillment mean to you, even if no one else understands or acknowledges it?
5. One small step
- What is one small, concrete action you can take today that aligns with your true values (not someone else’s standards)?
- Write it down and take that action right away.
💡 Reminder:
Whenever you hear that old critical voice, remember – those are not your true thoughts. You get to choose which values you adopt and nurture. Today can be your first small but genuine step.
