The Power of Justification and Self-Deception

The Power of Justification and Self-Deception

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“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lies comes to a point where he cannot distinguish the truth within him or around him, and so loses respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.” –  Fyodor Dostoevsky 

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People, no matter where they live, are similar in many ways

However, I can’t shake the feeling that we from the Balkans are champions in many things… and I don’t just mean the positive ones (sports, science, young students winning medals in various academic fields, successful entrepreneurs, and so on). 

We are also “champions” in disciplines such as: 

• “Let the neighbor’s cow die” 

• “I can quit smoking whenever I want” 

• “Politicians are to blame for everything” 

• “The state is to blame for how I live” 

• “I honk in traffic because the person didn’t move the instant the light turned green” 

• “Why should I help someone when no one helped me?” 

We’ve earned a few more gold medals in other (similar) categories too. 

I know, I know… many of you are already raising an eyebrow and getting a sarcastic comment ready: 
“Oh, my friend, you don’t know what it’s like in other countries, I’ve been to __________ (insert country of choice)…” 

Let’s be clear right away: I’m not saying other countries are heaven. But if you put aside what you post on social media or say to impress your friends, deep down, you know that there’s some truth in this. 

Just like it’s probably true that we’re also champions in the discipline of: “Self-deceiving and justifying (ourselves).” 

 

The Power of Justification and Self-Deception

How often do you hear people say things like: 
“Life is a bit better abroad,” 
“People are different there,” 
“It’s a better quality of life,” and so on. 

And immediately others chime in with: “Sure, it’s easy to go somewhere new, but it takes courage to stay here and survive and fight for your homeland.” 

There’s some truth in that, of course. But I wonder — can the people who say that truly back it up? 

Are they people who: 

• Constantly work on themselves, 

• Continuously improve their skills, 

• Build their own business or career, 

• Are wonderful spouses, caring friends, and parents, 

• Strong optimists who believe in a better tomorrow? 

Or are they people who: 

• Work a job from dawn till late at night that neither fulfills them nor provides financial stability, 

• Spend a lot on cigarettes and alcohol, 

• Spend free time in betting shops, 

• Binge-watch series or football games in the evenings, and afterward have no energy left for their loved ones — because they “need rest”? 

I know I’ve hit a nerve with some. I’m aware of that. But that “nerve” is your pride, ego, vanity — call it whatever you want. 
You can even call it your sense of helplessness. 

If these words struck a chord, you know deep down they’re probably true. 
You’re likely someone with a lot of talk — and very little action. 

 

 

“Hey, Wait a Minute — What Do You Even Know About Me to Talk Like That?” 

“I work from early morning till late night, while my lazy boss takes all the money. I have to survive. The state is to blame for all this, the war ruined everything, my relatives are a curse, there are bills to pay…” 

That’s the Power of Justification. 

 

“I’m a good and hardworking person, I do my best, I know I’m worth more, but no one will give me a chance. I deserve true love, but it’s not working out. What can I do when people are like that and don’t understand me…” 

That’s the Power of Self-Deception. 

 

Maybe no one has told you this before — but the final control over your life lies with you. Yes, YOU. 

Sure, your environment (government, politics, relatives, neighbors, etc.) influences certain factors. 
But the ultimate control of your life belongs to you. 

Have you forgotten that each day, you decide whether to live or not? (And spare me sarcastic comments about Death/Reaper/falling flowerpots from the fifth floor… You know exactly what I mean.) 

This isn’t meant to be morbid or pessimistic — it’s a truth that’s meant to empower you. 

 

TOPOR – Toxic Over-POsitivity Response 

It’s time to stop constantly justifying and deceiving yourself. 

If you paid attention to your thoughts, could you honestly say that most of them are positive and encouraging? 

Kudos to the rare few, but for most people — they’re not. 

But do you know when you do become “positive”? When you need to justify and deceive yourself. 

I call it TOPOR — Toxic Over-POsitivity Response. 

It’s the phase where your Ego pressures you to justify yourself and prevent you from leaving your comfort zone. It’s the moment when your Ego numbs you, to stop you from taking action or making a change. 

 

 

“Don’t listen to this guy rambling! 
You know you’re a good person. 
It’s your boss’s fault he exploits you. 
It’s your wife/girlfriend/child’s fault for being a pain. 
Maybe your friends are jerks, but where will you find new ones? 
You were made for more. 
Now relax — have those three cakes, a smoke, and binge three episodes of a show or a match from the Dutch second league. 
Maybe throw some coins in the betting shop. 
We’ll do something smart… eventually. But first, let’s chill. 
We’ll go out tonight and pretend our life is great. 
Don’t worry — this isn’t quitting. 
It’s… uh… tactical preparation for action. Yeah, that’s it.” 

Am I exaggerating? Or have I hit a bit of how your Ego talks? 

TOPOR reminds me of a drug. 

The moment you (or rather your Ego) feel threatened, you get your fix of TOPOR — just enough to calm you down and help you “cope.” 

 

“So, If You’re So Smart, Why Don’t You Give Us a Solution?” 

Solutions — or better said, tactics — are numerous. But the root of all of them is: 

• Leaving the comfort zone 

• Discipline toward meaningful change 

• And deciding once and for all who will govern your life: 
  The state, your surroundings, your ego — or YOU? 

And if you’re interested in something more concrete… 
We can try one exercise to begin with. ⬇⬇⬇

 

 

🧭 Exercise: “Mirror Without Excuses” 

Goal: 
To identify patterns of self-deception and justification, separate truth from false internal narratives, and take the first step toward personal responsibility. 

 

Step 1: Brutally Honest Reflection (5 min) 

Answer the following in writing — no sugarcoating, no “buts,” no excuses: 

• What truth about myself am I constantly avoiding? 

• What decision am I postponing because I fear the consequences? 

• What do I usually tell myself to justify staying stuck? 

Write everything down, even if it sounds “ugly.” 
This exercise isn’t to judge you — but to free you. 

 

Step 2: Detecting TOPOR – Toxic Over-POsitivity Response (5 min) 

Write down 3 phrases you often use to comfort or calm yourself — but deep down, you know they’re not true. 

For example: 

• “It’ll get better once I survive this week.” 

• “It’s fine, others live like this too.” 

• “At least I’m better than…” 

Then, for each sentence, write: 
Does this thought help me grow — or stay where I am? 

 

Step 3: Taking Control – “My Truth Today” (5 min) 

Write down: 

• One thing you actually have control over today 

• One micro-step you can take today to move from justification into real action 

For example: 

• “Today, I can spend 30 minutes in silence and outline a plan to leave the job that drains me.” 

• “Today, I can apologize to someone I was unfair to because of my own frustration.” 

• “Today, I can rest without guilt — because it’s a real need, not an excuse.” 

 

🪞 Final Challenge: 

Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say: 

“Enough with the lies. 
Starting today, I choose to be honest with myself. 
And that is my greatest freedom.”