Not to be someone else’s vision of extraordinary, but to find your own path
Not to be someone else’s vision of extraordinary, but to find your own path
“The most important truths in life must be discovered with our own eyes.” – Fridtjof Nansen
“Don’t settle for ordinary – aim for extraordinary!”
“Just follow these simple rules and transform your life into the best version…”
“Let me share with you the secret to an extraordinary life…”
And yet, for some reason, even when you follow (and pay for) these tips and secrets, nothing usually happens.
Okay, maybe something happens, like progressing to a higher level (aka Level 2 of Ordinary), but you still feel like that’s not what you were hoping for.
Well, obviously – it’s all your fault, right?
It’s your life, your responsibility, so clearly it’s your fault the advice and secrets didn’t work.
You just didn’t try hard enough.
It’s completely your fault you’re not living an extraordinary life like others, and the instructions were clear (you probably just didn’t understand them well enough, which is why the secret didn’t work).
They’ll probably say all of this… just a little more subtly.
Here’s a suggestion:
Instead of trying to live someone else’s extraordinary life, why not try living YOUR LIFE to its (CURRENTLY) MAXIMUM POTENTIAL?
Sometimes I get the feeling that social media and its “influencers” and/or “entrepreneurs” and/or “coaches” are sending us the message that we’re not living extraordinary lives simply because we’re not following (and paying for) their way.
Don’t be their version of extraordinary… be YOU.
Your YOU.
That person deep inside you, buried in your core, fundamentally YOU.
The one you locked away (mostly due to your insecurities, fear of failure, or because others told you to, or discouraged you from unleashing your authenticity).
The Painful Truth: Extraordinary doesn’t come from the outside – it lives inside us
No, this isn’t some random zen motivational philosophy designed to “open your eyes.”
But it’s not easy to reach that extraordinary self and true authenticity.
We must commit seriously to searching for it – and it’s something we have to dig out of ourselves.
It’s buried under tons of dirt we created (and others added to – when we allowed them).
So, our mission is to now unearth that person, in all their brilliance and authenticity.
But… remember:
It’s your fault you’ve made idols and gurus out of others.
You’re the one secretly hoping they’ll solve your problem.
On a subconscious level, you genuinely believe that if you just click the “download” button, their new words will overwrite your old ones (i.e. beliefs), and suddenly – you’ll function according to new (desired) patterns.
Be honest – isn’t that what you hope for, deep down?
You want to believe that some course/seminar/book/article will give you an instant solution – one that literally tells you:
“Just do this, and you’ll get what you want. Instantly. First try. No mistakes.”
You must be realistic
Every piece of material (course/seminar/book/article) given by a coach/guru/consultant (including me)
should only serve as a guide to help you realize:
- Where you WANT to go
- What you WANT to do
- How you WANT to do it
- And WHY you WANT that change
What I can offer you:
- I can talk with you (I’m a good listener)
- I can ask non-standard (and uncomfortable) questions to help you reflect in a constructive way (my specialty)
- I can brainstorm and analyze ideas and approaches with you (specialty #2)
- I can recommend books/courses tailored to your personality profile (specialty #3)
- I can provide strong and honest support (specialty #4)
But I will never make you false promises or tell you I’ll grab a shovel and dig for you.
Your life is your responsibility.
Roll up your sleeves and start digging, my friends!
I’ll gladly offer you a hand if the hole gets too deep and you need help getting out.
But I will not do your work for you.
I have no intention of making you dependent on me.
A practical example
If you’re an adult with three ideas you’d like to pursue and you need to choose and focus on just one…
- I’ll gladly help you brainstorm and analyze all three options
- Offer insights
- Share my experience
- Or give you a (neutral) perspective
But I will never say:
“Pick this option and do it this way.”
And you should never seek out or want someone like that – someone to make decisions for you.
Because that’s just you sending the message:
“I want someone else to decide for me, I want someone else to take responsibility.
I just want to be the victim in case of failure.”
That never works.
It never has, and most likely – it never will.
Others may show you the door, point to where you should dig, or suggest where to start asking questions…
But YOU will have to do the hard work.
Everyone else is just a coach, therapist, consultant, mentor, advisor…
But they are not the ones who will do the work for you, or mold you into their clones.
And that moment…
That’s the moment when you don’t become someone else’s idea of a transformed person.
That’s the moment you become TRULY YOU.
Now that… that’s something truly extraordinary, isn’t it?
There’s no universal formula for success
Some general principles might be:
1. Believe in yourself
2. Have a plan
3. Work hard
4. Work smart
5. Give your best
6. Be disciplined
7. Always learn new skills
8. Keep improving existing ones
9. Stay optimistic
10. Think outside the box
11. Experiment
12. Be adaptable (and kind)
13. Believe in the higher purpose of your goals
14. Expect the unexpected (and accept it as part of life)
15. Don’t envy someone else’s success (they have their own path)
16. When you fall, rest if you must – but you MUST get back up and keep going
The rest… is up to you.
Your YOU.
And your efforts to find your own path(s).
No one has ever successfully “hacked” life for someone else.
A person is successful when they understand themselves and find their own answer.
Do you remember the movie “Hitch” with Will Smith and Eva Mendes?
A pretty charming romantic comedy.
But also very true in many ways.
Will Smith plays Alex, a dating consultant (not to be confused with “pickup artists”) who helps guys get noticed by women they admire.
He knows the rules, the game…
But he personally avoids pursuing real emotional connection (due to a painful past experience).
His methods work for others, but he doesn’t use them for himself.
In a way, he no longer believes in his own product (his knowledge)…
Or more precisely – he no longer believes in his true self.
But once he (accidentally) starts acting like his real self, amazing things begin to happen.
He even realizes this through one of his clients (watch the movie – no spoilers here).
One of the best moments of the movie?
The opening and closing lines spoken by Alex:
- (Opening scene, confident Alex):
“Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who…”
- (Closing scene, relaxed and authentic Alex who found himself):
“Basic principles… there are none.”
Conclusion
No one has ever truly “cracked” the universal answers to life, success, or love.
At best, someone finds answers to these questions for THEMSELVES,
from THEIR OWN perspective, based on THEIR OWN experiences,
defines THEIR OWN values, and finds THEIR OWN path.
By becoming their own version of extraordinary.
And maybe with the following exercise, you can take your first step. ⬇⬇⬇
🧭 Exercise: “Dig Yourself Out – VersIon 1.0”
Goal: This exercise helps you identify external influences you’ve adopted as your own, recognize where you currently are, and take a first, concrete step toward becoming your authentic self.
Tool: Paper and pen / Word document (whatever works for you)
1. Who have you (unconsciously) placed above yourself?
Write down the names (or descriptions) of people to whom you’ve given authority over your life – people whose advice you blindly follow, or whose lives you’re trying to copy.
Example:
– “Instagram coach living in Bali”
– “Older brother who always ‘knows best’”
– “Author who claims the only way is the 5AM routine”
Then write:
“What part of me believes they know better than I do?”
2. Where am I right now, honestly?
Answer the following questions without a filter:
- What do my days really look like?
- What do I do the most, and what do I keep postponing?
- What areas am I most proud of?
- Where do I feel like a “copy,” not like me?
3. Which version of me is currently buried?
Close your eyes and imagine unearthing the real, authentic version of yourself.
Imagine the person beneath all the layers – true, wild, creative, maybe weird – but honest.
Write in free form (without self-censorship):
- What does this person look like?
- How do they speak, walk, think?
- What do they want?
- What would your life look like if you lived like THAT person – even just 30% more?
4. First Shovel: One Small Act
Based on everything you’ve written, choose one small action you can take today that moves you closer to your authentic self.
It could be:
- Saying “no” to a perfect plan that isn’t truly yours
- Making your first video/blog post where you’re 100% YOU
- Speaking honestly to someone without a mask
- Forgiving yourself for not succeeding by someone else’s standards
Write:
“My first step is: ___________.”
Closing Sentence (sign below as a symbol)
“I no longer ask others to show me the way. I’m digging my own. And I won’t stop.”
Signature: ___________
🪞 Recommendation:
Come back to this exercise weekly and expand the steps.
As you keep digging – the picture will become clearer.
